Hey there (:
Some of you have likely been following me for sometime now and so will know lots of this already, but this is for those new faces around here that have joined in somewhere along the way and likely don’t know my story.
If that’s what you’d call it.
We all have a story, and I’d venture to assume we’ve all got more than one at that. I’m just going to share a bit on the story I believe has really shaped me into the Lynzee that’s living and breathing today.
I met my husband while attending college in Rexburg, Idaho. I was the TA (teachers assistant,) for a ballroom dance class on campus and in walked Warren and his buddy. It didn’t take long to get to know each other, then date, get engaged and soon we were married. January 2nd of 2016.
In talking together, we had planned to wait a couple of years to start our family, but the Lord had other plans and in the middle of February, we learned we were pregnant. Our first prenatal appointment was even more of a shock that initially finding out because there we learned that we were not only expecting one little baby sooner than anticipated but TWO.
Identical twin boys were expected to join us early September (because twins are expected much earlier than the full 40 weeks.) The three of us were watched closely during pregnancy, of course, and the boys grew remarkably well. There were a few minor concerns from time to time but everything passed quickly and the pregnancy seemed to chug along healthily enough until suddenly at a check up late in August we saw the boys there inside of me, lifeless.
I will never forget that day, alone at the doctors office and learning that my babies had passed away. Bawling, praying, pleading and calling my husband for what felt like hours.
The next days were full of labor and intense grief. And the weeks that followed were a haze out of a nightmare.
But slowly, slowly I began to find my footing in the life of a bereaved mother. As many bereaved mothers experience, I was anxious to conceive again. I wanted my babies to be here and in my arms, but since they’d already gained their wings I at least wanted a little sibling to cuddle and stitch together up my heart.
We tried and tried and finally, in March of 2017, we got our positive! It was short lived as I miscarried mid-April. Although that loss was nothing like loosing my beautiful boys, it was devastating in a different way and sent me into a deep depression. I dropped out, I couldn’t find the will or strength to get out of bed most mornings and slept my life away for weeks. Through the love of my husband and friends, and the grace of the Lord, I got help. It didn’t take long with the right tools to get feeling somewhat alive again, and soon we were back on “baby train,” as I tracked away to try again for our Rainbow.
As the months ticked by, hope drooped lower, and sometimes frustration set in. By the spring of 2018, I’d decided to put conception on the back burner and started Beauty School. Of course, just a couple months in we finally got a new positive. I couldn’t believe what I saw because of the countless tests I’d taken over the months, and I cried to think of finally having another chance. Then I cried at worrying of loosing another pregnancy. Then I cried at the thought of loosing another baby. Then I cried at the thought that it was all worth it anyway.
Then I worried for the full 39.2 weeks that followed.
And with a lot of anxiety, and even more blessing from God, on February 6th of 2019, we welcomed our baby girl into the world.
The months since have flown by. I have been happier with Kate than I could have imagined, although we still miss her brothers dearly. I am learning new things every day and loving this mommy gig.
The motto I have embraced through it all is, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” And so I am, Living Lemonade.