This week, I had a very special opportunity.
I was able to attend the birth of our good friends baby.
Baby Girl** Ezra Morse Turner was born this last Wednesday, June 10th around 2:18 in the afternoon. She was perfect and precious in all her 8 1/4 inches and 1.41 pounds. Ten tiny fingers and ten bitty toes.
She was just two days shy of 20 weeks gestation when she was delivered sleeping into this world.
Being able to attend and assist in the birth of nearly 20 week old Ezra was both tragic and magical. And I know how crazy that must sound.
There were so many complicated emotions mixed up in the whole thing for me.
I was honored to be asked to attend, but being in that room in those circumstances definitely brought back some keenly felt memories of the twins’ labor and delivery. Long hours of painful contractions and confused feelings of anticipation and grief all mixed up inside. The many hours spent before delivering an angel baby are complex and difficult emotionally and physically for mama.
I knew immediately that I’d accept and ‘happily’ go to support and assist in any way I could. But I was also devastated. I was so excited for my friends to be becoming parents and had been sending Maddy all sorts of mommy articles or pins for months now. And I also knew the world of pain they must be feeling.
Yet still I knew the minute she asked that it would be my honor to be able to help her through this time.
And it was magical.
Because of the hospitals restrictions due to COVID, the only people allowed in with delivering mamas are usually the dads, but Maddy’s doctor pulled some strings and got the OK for me to be there with them while Maddy labored and delivered.
Watching this loving couple support and lean on each other during the labor, and being able to give a little experience and assistance where I could was both humbling and empowering.
Seeing Maddy go through the pain and grieving with amazing strength, control and grace was awe inspiring to me, and how Christopher stayed by her side through it all emitted an intense love and bond of the family they have built together.
After nearly 10 hours of steadily increasing contractions, Maddy was ready to deliver, and after a few powerful pushes, Ezra arrived.
And I was blessed to experience that paradoxical feeling of happiness again.
You’d think the only feeling would be more sadness after a tiny angel baby is born, but even though the baby’s spirit and body were no longer connected, a family was still created that afternoon. And you could feel Ezra there, and the happiness of all three Turners.
Ezra passed away as a result of a list full of abnormalities and issues, but as for a specific culprit, they are still waiting on some genetic testing results to know.
Maddy is doing well enough, physically, although she’s facing some ‘typical’ postpartum challenges like lactation and physical changes.
Of course the most trying challenge is the grief.
All that is left now is time. Time to heal a little. Time to learn how to be angel parents. Time to find out how they want Ezras legacy and life to be remembered…