I’ll be honest with you and let you know that I don’t actually know where this post is going to take me, but I can’t ignore the overwhelming push to write thats been coming over and over.
So, I’ll start with a tiny update of sorts.
I’m starting back up at school tomorrow- which is exciting and nerve-wracking of course. But I really love what I’m learning and know that the normalcy in schedule will be a blessing. As long as I stock up on snacks (;
I had a visit with my OB on Friday last, and was reassured in some ways, but left with lingering worry and questions in lots of ways too.
I finished my antibiotics a couple weeks ago and wasn’t sure if all infection was purged or if I would be faced with the scary possibility of it having spread. We were able to give more samples and such to be tested again, and on top of that I haven’t even gotten the full results of my first trimester screening either. Which means at least there’s no bad news… leaves this PAL mama in a jittering ball of anxiety.
Among the things the doctor could tell me was that what we have gleaned form my first trimester results is that the likelihood of any trisomy is low, which is a relief as the different trisomies are a large cause of stillbirth among some of my loss mama friends. The bad news was that my “Rubella” antibodies are either not present or weak, which means when baby-time is finally upon us (when I’m in labor,) I will have to be given a shot to protect babe from contracting something through delivery.
Not the worst “bad news,” and definitely something I can deal with- I’ll take it all, because baby will be worth it.
Oh, and ultrasound for last visit was canceled so we won’t know baby’s gender for another four weeks at my next appointment.
However, we have had some of those little theorized guesses… If that makes any sense.
An awesome homeopathic friend of mine at the Sunrider convention gave me a quick reading and guesses a girl is on the way.
Also, through a thread on on of my PALs mama pages, a friend helped me look at our last (11w) ultrasound, and according to the “nub theory” it’s looking like we’re having a little girl, which reassures the feelings of my husband and I as well.
But, as Warren would say, their chances of being right are 50/50 so we’ll see!
Had fun with a little home project I’ve been wanting to get to for nearly a year, painting my piano! Sadly, I haven’t gotten it 100% finished yet and need a few finishing touches and a tuning to really be called “done.”
Been using the last week trying to get more organized at home before my free time is taken up with school again, and have been blessed with finding lots of things that have been lost for a time… Among which was the amazing gift from some loving friends– a little fund for the boys’ headstone.
Finding this envelope (and putting it away so as not to misplace it even in a well meaning spot again,) caused me to pick up the baton I’d dropped on finding the next step for placing a marker where my sons rest…
Which resulted differently than I’d hoped.
Discouraged. —>Best way to describe my morning.
It hurts to be so let down just days away from Matix and Tegan’s second birthday.
I apologies for the directionless nature of the post above… Maybe it’t the lonely days while Warren is at work and my best friend out of town that I just need to feel heard.
As always- I am truly blessed to have friends and family who love and care for me like you do so thank you. And may your week be blessed.
Living Lemonade 