You know the saying, “through rose colored glasses.”
Or even “the grass is always greener on the other side.”
I’m talking about pregnancy. I mean women have always said there’s this magical thing that makes you forget all of the bad and icky bits of pregnancy and birth so that you can do it all again. And, well, now I’m on the other side- and let me tell ya- pregnancy looks ‘greener’ than ever.
I think nearly any woman who’s been through a loss like me can agree that pregnancy all of a sudden looks awesome.
Don’t get me wrong- because I have been through all of it. The discomfort, the insomnia, the nausea, the heartburn, the water retention and bloating, the stretching, and all of the hormones. I understand those women who complain loudly about how much it sucks or, once they’ve had their live and healthy baby, how they’re so happy to be “un-pregnant.” But I don’t think those women understand us.
Us, who would do anything to be pregnant like them.
Us, who wish they could be happy about the discomfort being over with instead of devastated about the loss of their baby.
Us, who want the discomforts and pain back if it meant spending just one more minute with our babies alive with us.
There are plenty of women out there who are lucky enough to have lived without knowing this pain. And all the better for them because it is a life-changing and never-ending pain. But because of this, they don’t understand what it’s like to envy someone on the other side of the miracle of life. The side where that life was just too short.
“Too perfect for earth,” they say, and although it’s true, those angels leave us behind here on earth. Those who haven’t experienced this like to say you can get over it, but truth is this grief is now my lifelong journey to learn to live through and thrive in. I am now, and will forever be, a mother of angels.
The things we go through in life are what truly define our character. The truth of pregnancy is that it isn’t all rosey and wonderful all the time, and that’s okay. Life is vivid color, that’t what makes it beautiful. Our mistakes and experiences are what make us magnificently unique. The pain we are called to bear hear in this life are what make our true colors shine through. All of the most striking and successful people I know have had their own problems and sorrows to go through, and those things are what made them the people they are today. They are the things that make us all who we are.
“And I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them show. You’re true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.” (True Colors, the song reemerged in Trolls)
So, my fellow angel mommies, think just how much more joy and wonder you will have in your rainbow pregnancy and birth because of the experience you have. I know for me I can never marvel enough at the beauty and blessing babies are because of the grief and love I have experienced.
So, even though I empathize with those pregnant moms who are in pain, I sometimes want to take their shoulders and shake em’ around so they can’t ignor the blessing they have standing (or residing) right in front of them. All of those nasty things- the sickness and pain, all of it- means their baby is alive and hear with them on earth.
To all of my angel mommies- Your grief is a journey, but that doesn’t mean you have no control! Your ‘true colors’ are beautiful and rainbows may be right around the corner! I pray for all of you, regardless if I know you, and your angels are among you when you need them most.
All you pregnant lovelies- It is so worth it! I know a lot of it sucks but your beautiful little baby will show you just how much love you have inside of you!
And so my challenge this week is to be thankful. Thankful toady and this month especially. I have so much to be grateful for- first and foremost of which is my honey, Warren. He is the most wonderful husband any girl could ask for, and a wonderful daddy already. He is the biggest reason- and one of the only reasons- I am here still doing as well as I am.