Come So Far

Nearly three months since my last post.

It is no secret that the last few months of pregnancy are tough. And pregnancy after loss adds some extra loads to the third trimester as well. Not only did I face the physical trials of growing girth, extra weight, back issues, sleeping struggles etc. but I also faced sky rocketing levels of anxiety. So it isn’t a surprise that in facing all this on top of life’s normal responsibilities and all the holidays that my blog fell through the cracks.

And since then things have changed again.

The roll of my blog here has become a little muddled in my mind since Kathleen’s birth.

I spent two and a half years as a mother of only angels. Two years of trying, hoping and many let downs. Most importantly, two years of trust in the Lord and holding on to hope.

For the last two years, Living Lemonade was a place to work though some of my tangled feelings in grief, love and faith… There were times I couldn’t understand the dizzying emotions and thoughts, then I sit down and write out something that not only helps me work through all my conflicting thoughts, but resolves me and gives me the hope I need to press on again.

But for the last weeks, although those juxtaposed feelings haven’t ceased, the need to write out the thoughts in order to work though them has. These days instead of writing all I need to do is look down at my beautiful baby girl and thank the Lord over again for His omniscience in sending me two guardian angels and then this perfect rainbow.

And so Living Lemonade has fallen into silence for a time.

Yet I still have the nagging push in me to share.

And so my blog will live on, but what I share here may slowly change. I do intend to speak to loss parents and never neglect my sons, but there will be more to share here too.

There are all sorts of facets of life that require us to learn and hone our skill of making Lemonade. Adding a rainbow in the mix doesn’t change that… only gives it a little more color.

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