My Mosaic Heart

This analogy was told to me by a friend, I am just re-telling in my words.

There once was a world renowned potter who would create masterpieces with his hands while the world watched. People would gather from all around to see him work, and weeks would pass as he perfected and beautified the piece. When the potter finally finished his work of art, all gazed in admiration and awe. Then the potter raised his piece above his head and threw it at the ground, breaking it into pieces scattered on the floor. Those who were watching were stunned. Why would the potter break this piece he worked so hard on? Over the next years, the potter carefully and masterfully pieced his pot together again, making it whole once more. Except, now this broken and rebuilt pot had multiplied significantly in value, all because it had been broken. What was once a beautiful pot became a one-of-a-kind treasure to be cherished.

In life we go through things that break us. We are often called to endure things that seem to be too much for  us to bear. Loosing my babies broke my heart, and in these weeks I’ve wondered if the pounding pain in my chest would ever stop. This week I was able to meet some wonderful women who helped me in ways they didn’t even understand. One of these women had also lost a baby, soon after her birth, and was able to share with me her feeling and experience in the years since. She showed me that, although grief never is absent from life, she learned to feel happiness coexist with her grief. She learned to breathe again.

The other lady was able to walk me through some of my own feelings and denial keeping me from feeling the acceptance and peace in my life now. She shared with me this story of the potter and talked with me about steps to take in my life to piece my heart back together. The things we go through in life, the heart breaking trials of grief, they are the kiln through which a beautiful pot becomes a stunning mosaic.
My heart is broken in the pieces of my life without my sons.With time, and a lot of working through my grief, there will come a day when my heart doesn’t pound so tenderly, and breathing comes more easily. In learning to accept and feel peace in life, my broken heart becomes the priceless mosaic it needs to be to teach and love those in my future.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that the value in my life has drastically increased because of what I’ve gone through. The “me” I am right now is a brand new and improved version of the person I was two months ago. Or two weeks ago, or two days ago, or two minutes ago for that matter. Every second of life that goes by is a second of experience gained. Each moment you are becoming more individual and unique to your own set of experiences. It’s the beauty of life that all you’ve gone through makes you who you are, but at the same time no mistake defines you. You can decide each moment that you want to be better than before.

To know great grief opens your capacity to feel great happiness. (Sounds like something Dumbledore might say…) Thats why I continue to press on with this life with faith that my own great happiness, my own rainbow babies, are in my future.